Russian Reality TV

The news that Chantelle had won Celebrity Big Brother made it over here pretty fast we don't miss a thing in this town. We have our very own celebrity star of reality TV right here in Tyumen, she's appearing in a programme called Dom 2 - that's House 2 translated into English and it's like Big Brother only they've been living there for ages and people come and go as they get nominated in and out. The girl from Tyumen, I am told, has been in the house for 2 years.

Also on TV this week I have watched some Soviet cartoons upon everybody's recommendation and they are splendid. They're so pretty and innocent and sweet. There's no cat and mouse chase or slapstick comedy in them, they're just lovely little tales of adventure and perhaps the odd misfortune which is always overcome!

I also saw Terminator 3 and I must say Arnie does a good Russian accent. He's even more of a rubbish actor! I also watched some sitcoms, which were easy to understand, even if you don't speak the language which suited me fine. My Russian is coming on a treat though, I can name the days and I can ask for food. Although my plan to avoid speaking to anybody while buying food was spoiled today as when I approached the checkout and started putting my items on the counter the attendant lady picked up my bananas and started barking at me in Russian, I'd forgotten to put them in a bag I guess, so as I couldn't remember the word for 'sorry' I just said, '...er' and she didn't seem too impressed. I should have learned the phrase 'I didn't put the bananas in a bag and weigh them and stick the price tag on because I didn't realise I had to' but I'll know for next time.

Who's got the Arctic Monkeys album then and is it any good?? Any other gossip from the pages of the NME - I don't have time to check every 10 minutes like I used to in my old job! Speaking of which, I keep feeding the plants here in the office with my left over coffee and tea and I think they're flourishing! They've never had it so good!

Bikini Weather

Ah I think I spoke too soon. I went outside at lunchtime and it seemed to me cold again. And it was snowing again, which I like. And I fell over. Again. Though twice in as many weeks isn't bad really is it? It's kind of embarrasing though as I already stand out like a massive sore thumb as it is. I bet all those Ruskies were laughing 'ha look at ze foriegn girl she fall over hahaha' or maybe they didn't pay a blind bit of notice.

Darn Pesky Retarded Russian Technology

I've just managed to calm myself down after writing a long post for you all was eaten up by this stupid computer and it's taken about 45 minutes to get back on to the website so now I'm running out of time.... I have a lesson in 20 mins but I'll see if I can remember wot I did wrote...

It's warm here! It's -17. I don't know if you're familiar with extreme weather conditions but let me tell you that after a week of -38 it feels delightfully bearable to be stepping outside to -17! Some of the snow is even melting so you can now see, in places, where the road should be and where not to walk. The snow is no longer white either, because it's been lying there for over a week it's now grey and dirty so it doesn't look like a faity tale anymore.

I went round to my new friend's house. If we were in Knutsford and we were 12 my mum wouldn't let me go round to her house because it's on the wrong side of the tracks, it's in a Soviet style building and it made me realise how lucky I am to be living in my large spacious two storey, mod con fitted, ikea'd out town centre apartment. Although her flat is just 5 minutes walk from mine it's massively different. She kept saying 'don't be scared by my flat'. And when we went inside the building I realised why. This was a scene from a hollywood film about a serial killer. There was one light bulb flickering dimly at the end of the corridoor, the lift was in almost complete darkness save for a warm orangey/brown glow and we were surrounded by the smell of dog wee! Ok so I'm being dramatic, but it was pretty much what I'd been expecting to live in. Her flat was ok though. It was my image of poor Russian town life before I came here and turned up on the doorstep of my Palace. So it's good to see the real side of Russia instead of just this new western modern side of life that I'm exposed to on tv and on the streets of Tyumen.

Adventures..

I finally made it out into the town last night when I finished work. Until that point I'd only gone as far as the post office which is about 5 minutes walk from the office. So, into Tyumen I went, and I saw some ice sculptures and some pretty lights - they still have their Christmas decorations up as they celebrate the new year all through January, so I don't know if these lights are up all year or if they're just part of the Christmas decorations but it looked very beautiful. I will take some pictures for you people and then you can see for yourself!

I also went to a department store called 'som'which was just like Debenhams but it sells traditional Russian stuff, like Russian dolls and wooden bowls. I am amazed at how women here still look so elegant even with massive fur coats on and big hats, they also wear stilletoes which is crazy, I mean it's so slippy outside, but they dig the heels into the ground and that stops them from falling over. And here I am with my massive snow boots on and a beanie hat and a huge coat that I've borrowed, not looking elegant in the slightest! In fact, one of the teachers here said I look like a bear! I hope she meant it in a good way!

Devil Children

I don't like 5 year olds.... they are naughty and can't speak English.

But hey it's getting warmer - it's snowing and that's a sign that the weather is heating up! Although it all seems the same to me y'know. It may be 5 degrees warmer than it was yesterday but it still feels cold! Apparently it's colder here in Russia than it is in the Antarctic how crazy is that? The world's gone mad!

Homesick Homeschmick!

People keep asking me if I'm homesick and I look around me and see that it's just like being at home when I'm in my new flat... I sit amidst the company of someone who I can't understand at all and a 6 year old boy. It's just like being with John and Elliot!! Hahahahhaha! Only there's no arguing or disagreeing and the little boy doesn't put cigarette butts in the glassware. And the shower works, not only works but is warm, hot even, if I want it to be.

Yidim Ya!

A programme I watched last night. It was a cross between Steve Wright's Our Song and Surprise Surprise! It had lots of Russian women and men crying and crying and then crying some more! At the time I didn't understand I just thought it was like a 'Trisha'-type programme but I asked one of the teachers this morning and she tells me it's called Yidim Ya - 'Wait for Me'. It's better than Surprise Surprise, instead of just reuniting people with long lost relatives they get people who think that their relatives are dead and then they go, 'Look, your mum isn't dead! She's here in the studio!' And that's when the crying starts. And then they play the soppy music like on 'Our Song'. Beautiful. Russian TV is great.

More weather news! It's, well, cold. The ground is white and pretty and really hard.

I went to an Irish pub yesterday at lunch time where they sold quality Irish products such as Harp and Newcastle Brown Ale! And on the big screen they were showing a Simply Red concert and for the first (and hopefully last) time in my life I felt a connection there with ol' Mick. I said proudly to my colleagues 'he's from Manchester!' and then I realised what I'd done and hid my head in shame. The weather makes you do funny things! Luckily though, I still managed to feel hatred towards and no connection whatsoever with Tony Parsons when my boss showed me that she's reading one of his latest sentimental cliches of a novel. I told her to use it as toilet paper (they seem to have a lack of it in Russia). My next task is to use his Mirror columns as examples of VERY BAD ENGLISH! They love it when I rant on about things!

Arctic Monkeys are number one? Just when I'm not there to enjoy some good music getting into the charts! Next you'll be telling me that Radiohead are doing a tour in February! (Don't tell me, even if they are)!

The Coldest Day Of the Year

Well today is the coldest day it's been all year, it's -38 or some such ridiculous temperature and all the students are cancelling their lessons which is good! Although today is my day off so it doesn't really effect me. Kids don't go to school when it's this cold which is understandable really. Yesterday it was only -20 but I stayed in all day but I really should have taken advantage of the fine weather...

So, today is birthday days for my Bro and Justine - Happy Birthday guys, you are both Aquariussss' , Russians are into their star signs, in fact it's quite often one of the first things that people have asked me. But not in a chat-up line kind of way!

I had a lesson on Saturday with the Russian speaking English teachers in which I taught them common English phrases. So, I encouraged them all to drop 'at the end of the day' into their conversations just so they can sound like an authentic English speaker! They also liked 'take the piss' they thought it was funny. In fact, they keep asking me to teach them insults, they ask 'how would you say he's a really really bad man?'!! I keep it clean, obviously.

Well I'm off now to enjoy the snow. Have a warm day everyone!

Euro Poptastic

It's still cold, and I've been told that Russian weather is making the news over there in the UK! It's all true! It's -36 here and let me tell you it's darn cold. Although, if the weather is making it's way over to the UK they should contact Tyumen county council (or the equivalent) to ask advice on how to deal with severe weather conditions. I was telling my new Russian friends about what happens in Britain when it snows or even rains heavily, about how trains get cancelled, all public transport is delayed and people are advised to stay at home unless they absolutely must travel.

But don't worry, I'm not over here in Russia presenting Britain in a negative light; they love these little srories and are constantly asking me what certain differences there are between the two nations. There isn't really THAT much difference. They have Reality TV here as well, they have Big Brother (but not a celebrity one) and last night I saw an advertisement for a programme called Zulus in Russia. You can guess the concept of that one. It looks hilarious, two Zulus falling over on the ice and trying vodka!

Has Michael Barrymore gone completely insane yet?

There are no snow men

Well I arrived in Tyumen at 5.30 on Wednesday morning (5 hours ahead of Britain) and my first impressions? COLD! Although I was expecting that so I can't complain. In fact I seem to be the only person in Tyumen not complaining about the weather. I am now officially an English teacher as I have had a whole day of lessons, one of which was with a group of 5 year olds. We won't go into that one.... but they were like devil children....

So it snows a lot here in Siberia in fact it's the coldest it's been for over 100 years so no wonder everyone is talking about the weather. And today was the day that hundreds of Russian people jump into a hole made in the ice and plunge underwater three times. Then they get out and carry on with their day as if nothing had happened. It's tradition. I think I'm more keen to take part in the warm outdoor spa rather than the water plunging thing. I can also look forward to skating outdoors and skiing and I was told by my teenage group of students that the prettiest place in Tyumen is Lovers Bridge overlooking the river, but I think I'll wait until it's at least -5 before I do any of those things.

I watched er last night and it was in Russian! But I'm afraid that's as exciting as it gets here at night - nobody dares go outside because it's so cold! My landlady is about the same age as me she has a six year old boy (who certainly isn't as naughty as the other kids in Tyumen) and neither of them speak very good English - although I'll be teaching them both - so we just sit and talk to each other in ouк own language trying to understand but not really understanding at all! It's quite amusing really.

If you are bored then email me, I'd like to be kept informed of all gossip no matter how tedious or uninteresting, please!

Where I will be in two days time

This is where I'm going, although the map is pretty small, so double click the image or zoom in on the part of Russia that is above Kazakhstan. Find the N in Kazakhstan and follow it up to the border of Russia and there is Tyumen just above the border!

I'm still in Manchester but not for long!

Hey y'all I'm not in Russia yet but I sure will be soon. I'll tell you all about it when I get there......... hehe!